It's Wednesday, and Dennis Pelczynski is having the guys over.

It's not poker night, there's no big game to watch. The table isn't set with pizza and beer; there's no cigars, no tough-guy action movies, no video games or other boy-toys.

In fact, the only toys in sight are brightly colored and made of plastic. And there're lots of them. The food for today's get-together includes juice boxes, homemade mini-muffins and bright green grapes sliced neatly in half. That's right; if it's Wednesday afternoon at Dennis's house, it's time for the DC Metro Dads Northern Virginia Playgroup. When Dennis's buddies show up, they're not alone or empty-handed. Each has a diaper bag slung over his shoulder and a toddler or two in tow.

"I really look forward to the group getting together, " says Pelczynski. "It breaks up the isolation, and [it's a good] way to form friendships for later," he adds, forecasting a future of bike rides and camping trips when everyone's kids get a little older. He is also looking forward to the families in the group becoming closer as time goes by, possibly "getting together on weekends for 'field trips'" and the like.

Pelczynski has been married to his wife, Susan, a commercial interior designer, for 12 years. Before the couple had children, he managed a greenhouse dedicated to plant sales and rentals.

Pelczynski's decision to be an at-home dad wasn't always a done deal. "We didn't even discuss having children until we were married for about eight years, " he recalls. His own child care experience was limited, but positive.

"I took a child development class in high school, and I remember thinking, 'I should find a rich woman and stay home and take care of the kids,'" he says with a grin. In fact, once Susan became pregnant with the couple's first child, he knew the stress and hours of his job would be too demanding for him to be the kind of dad he wanted to be.

Now, the family has expanded to four - Jarad is 2, and baby Ryan is 13 months. And, ever since November of 2000, Dennis has been a full-time, stay-at-home dad.

"I'm really enjoying it," he says. "I like the day-to-day rhythms of our life. I get to see each of the little developmental changes. I miss them on the weekend," he adds, when his wife and other relatives are pitching in. "I had more of the disposition to deal with the kids on a daily basis," he says of his family's decision to make him the primary caregiver. And while he admits that having two kids means now "no one gets a break," he does find time for himself, citing his thrice-weekly martial arts classes as just one example.

Pelczynski started the Wednesday playgroup to fill a void for himself and his fellow stay-at-home dads. When he first started staying home, he searched for ways to connect with other guys in the same situation. After initially turning up groups of the general "Mommy and Me," variety, he finally found the DC Metro Dads group, a self-proclaimed "network of stay at home fathers living in the Washington DC Metro area. This group covers the entire metro area of D.C., Maryland, and Virginia. DC Metro Dads provides support to other stay-at-home fathers and fathers who are considering staying at home who live in the DC Metro area. Our mission is to reduce the isolation of a stay-at-home father and to provide social as well as educational activities for our members."

In addition to offering resources and various listserves and e-mail groups, DC Metro Dads hosts various outings around town. Originally, Pelczynski thought he would participate in those. But, as any parent knows, when toddlers are on the scene, the best-laid plans can go awry. Sick kids, bad weather, late starts and a host of other variables can put the kibosh on any planned outing pretty quick.

"I'd go to events [at zoos and parks] and no one would else would show up," Pelczynski recalls. "I finally decided, 'I'm going to pick a day and start my own playgroup.'" And in July of 2002, that's exactly what he did. "People have been showing up ever since," he adds.

Pelczynski doesn't mind being the weekly host of the group, especially because then it means he knows it will actually happen each week! "I'm always sort of pumped for the group," he says. He also likes the added motivation to get the house in shape. Indeed, when we visited it was absolutely neat-as-a-pin, right down to the carefully organized coffee service and the scented candle burning in the bathroom.

"The group offers good interactions for the kids. We have a lot of 'repeat business,' so I think the guys really enjoy it, too. Even dads with school-aged kids sometimes show up on their own, just to chat," Pelczynski says. In addition to distinctly daddy discussions, conversational topics have ranged from politics to woodworking. "I think this group is necessary [if only for] reassurance - to help us feel we're not the 'odd man out.'"

Based on the input of the attendees on a recent sunny Wednesday in Pelczynski's very kid-friendly backyard, complete with a swingset and pint-sized log cabin, something about this group really works.

Each of the seven or eight dads who ambles in has a story to tell, and the shared experience is valuable to all. Whether it's sage advice about developmental milestones or little anecdotes about working wives who sometimes don't have a clue, the group's camaraderie is infectious. Like any successful group bonding situation, the common thread is their shared experience.

"I always had a lot of female friends," says Todd Parola, who brings his 20-month-old daughter Mila to the group. "My neighborhood is really in a baby boom, and I enjoy my female peers, but it's good to find a group of guys who are in the same situation."

For some, it's a necessity. Some dads found a virtual "no boys allowed" sign at the door of other parent groups.

"When an extracurricular group formed out of my son's Gymboree class, I wasn't asked to join," recalls Dave Walker, who attends the playgroup with his son, 14-month-old Zachary. He even knew of a guy who showed up at a mom's group and was flat-out told he wasn't welcome.

Joe Pabis, father of 19-month-old Zachary admits to being in two groups - one all dads, and one all moms. In fact, he also was once excluded from a group, and another offshoot group was formed to include him. "I love having both of these groups. It's essential for parents to have an at-home group for parents of kids all around the same age."

And, ladies, guess what? A little eye-rolling and chuckling about your working spouse's inadequacy as a parent are not an exclusively female tradition. Packing the diaper bag with everything but diapers or dressing the kids inappropriately are two mistakes that know no gender.

"When we go out [with Zachary], I'm the one who says it's time to go," says Walker, who sees himself as more in tune with his son's rhythms, a natural outcome of his being home with him. "I'm holding a wailing baby in my arms at a party and [my wife's] just sitting there," he says with a smile.

Tony Lower-Basch admits that a lot of any parent's efficiency is simply based on a practice effect. "We've been taught to believe that certain skills are inherent, when in fact these practices get adopted out of necessity - whoever does it the first time gets better at it, and starts to do it before it even needs to be done."

As far as women being hard-wired for motherhood, who knows? For Stuart Kern, a former attorney and now stay-at-home dad of two daughters, being with his kids has taught him a new understanding for the women who raised him, like his mother and grandmother.

"I have more of an appreciation for the special people in my life; how did they know to put me up on a chair so I could help bake an apple pie?" something Kern now enjoys doing with his own girls, especially because he now has the time to do it. Initially, he imagined he would continue his own practice of law part-time, but came to realize that he "wanted to devote myself to each of the two things 100 percent," and that was impossible. Now, he finds a lot of satisfaction in "the tangible things I'm doing, like cooking meals, instead of the 'symbolic manipulations' of practicing law."

All of the men who attended the group are married to fairly high-powered types, and sometimes the contrast is glaringly evident. Walker recalls the day his wife told him she had been instrumental in passing a major piece of legislation. He e-mailed her back: "Zack had a really good poopy today."

But, there are other contacts and networking opportunities for any stay-at-home parent that are of equal importance. Parola loves the fact that he's very connected to his neighbors by being at home. "Our family is improved by that connection, and my being home is the catalyst for that connection. My wife misses out on that opportunity to know these people in that way."

Reactions from nuclear to extended families are interesting as well. For Israeli native Yosef Dahan, cultural norms are a struggle. Since he has been home with his 5-year-old daughter and one-year-old son, he sometimes feels like his family "just doesn't get it."

"It's a very macho society in Israel," he says. "They can't believe I'm doing this, but I explain to them that this is my job, my work, and it [can be] very hard."

In Kern's case, he was the one who wanted to be at home, rather than his wife. "She gets a certain amount of strength from her professional life, and she wonders how I do it."

Pabis's wife, a real estate developer, always thought "who would want to stay home with kids??" Now that she's seen her husband's experience, she appreciates why it can be well worth it.

Of all the dads at Dennis' house, perhaps Olivia's daddy, Vance Gore, summed it up best: "The pay's crummy, but the fringe benefits are great!"

Vicki Wilson is a Washington Parent contributing writer. If you are, or know, an interesting Washington parent, please e-mail us at washpar@washingtonparent.com. For more information about Dennis Pelczynski's playgroup or other DC Metro Dads events, check out www.dcmetrodads.com.