For 2 million fathers, changing diapers is a full-time job

By Eliot Stein

Staff Writer

Call it role reversal, political correctness, or just choice, but more fathers than ever are trading in the fast lane for the diaper pail and becoming stay-at-home dads.

According to Todd Vossler, a stay-at-home dad from Rockville and the coordinator of the Montgomery County chapter of DCMetroDads, there are currently 2 million stay-at-home dads throughout the country. With that number expanding rapidly, support organizations, such as DCMetroDads, are springing up in many cities. In an attempt to make it easier for fathers to make the choice to stay at home, DCMetroDads emerged four years ago by a full time father who felt isolated and wished to link himself with others in his situation.

Since its founding, DCMetroDads has burgeoned to 180 members throughout the metropolitan area, and has three local chapters in Howard County, Bowie, and Montgomery County. The Montgomery County chapter boasts two playgroups and members get together for "Dad's Night Out" once a month, lunches, and much needed adult conversation. "The greatest reward is the fact that my kids really respond to me. We have a really close relationship," Vossler says. "But I didn't feel comfortable joining a mom's playgroup because I didn't think I'd be received well, so I was attracted to DCMetroDads."

Though not involved in the support group circuit, Mike Smith of Silver Spring sounds proud of his full-time father role. After going through four caregivers in eight years, Smith and his wife decided that it was just too much of a rollercoaster for their two boys, aged four and nine, and decided to make some changes. Smith, who owned a consulting company in downtown Silver Spring, decided to put his job on hiatus last summer and take care of the boys while his wife continued to work. "There's definitely less income, but getting to be involved with [my kids] everyday is worth the price," Smith says.

Another Silver Spring resident and stay-at-home dad, Fred A., also grew weary of the childcare his three-year-old girl had received and decided to try and juggle his part-time software company with his full-time parent role. A year and a half later, Fred couldn't be happier. "You get more of a bond with your child," he says. "There are a lot of joys to it. All the things that kids do that crack you up, you're around it all the time and get to share it with them."

A fair amount of disadvantages come with the territory, namely a sufficient loss of family income and the occasional craving for adult interaction. "I get lonely and bored sometimes, especially when my daughter is in school," Vossler says. "There are days when I wish I was out having a career and adult conversations."

Smith notes that his family must mind their budget with a closer eye and tries to be more conservative when it comes to dining.

Russ Louch, a stay-at-home dad from Derwood and a member of the Montgomery County chapter of DCMetroDads also noted the financial crunch he and his wife felt when he decided to ditch his computer industry in order to become a full time parent, but says that being able to spend more time with his two young kids is worth the sacrifice. "There's nothing greater for me than hearing a small child laugh," Louch says. "I never got that at work."

Vossler is quick to point out that the decision to stay at home is not a choice to be made lightly. "I've been a lot happier [since I've become a stay-at-home dad], but that's because it has been my decision," he says. "It has to be the dad's decision, something he owns. I own this decision."

Smith, who can now find time for the joys of pitching to his nine year-old son, is quick to recommend his new lifestyle. "If you can afford to do it, do it!" he says. "They are only going to be cute once. Then they become unpleasant teenagers."